It's OKAY To Say No

 

This can be a doozy. I’ve received my fair share of frantic phone calls asking “how do I say no?”  Confrontation is not fun, no one likes it. It’s awkward and oh-so-present.  We can only shoo it under a rug for so long until it pops its nasty little head out and OMG, it has to be dealt with.  I promise… this won’t hurt a bit.

Mothers of the Groom (and Mothers of the Bride) are a unique species. They’re kind of nuts. Yup, I said it.  I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I referred to my mom as “the dragon” when my sister got married… so believe me when I tell you I’m not shouting from the rooftops without taking a slightly personal jab at my own family. Love you mom!

I digress… You have a set idea and plan in your head for what you want and how you want things to go. Like all plans, there are going to be some detours, questions, pop-ups, and things you’ll have to work around or make plan B’s for.  Depending on how involved your mother in law wants to be is going to determine how many times you’ll have to say “no”.  I fully understand that every situation and mother of the groom (MOG) is different (especially if his family is contributing funds to the wedding)... but we'll save that for another blog.  

I truly believe MOGs come from a good place- they want to contribute and be a part of your special day, but sometimes it can come off as slightly invasive, dramatic, and pushy.  Stay calm and carry on! 

Some ways to say “No" here and there:

I really appreciate your ideas, but we’re going to go with…
That’s a great idea- I think we’re going to…
We’ve already set/ordered/paid for and so we’re selecting…
To make things as easy as possible for everyone…
I like…, but thank you for the suggestion.
Halt, I am Reptar! (Rugrats? Nickelodeon? Anyone, anyone?)

The last one is my favorite... but that's just my sense of humor. If you forecast a ton of input and opinion that you don’t want distracting you, a FAMILY EMAIL OR LUNCH is best prior to the beginning of the planning process to express and communicate how you feel:

“I’m really excited to begin the planning process for our wedding! I want to make sure that the time between now and our walk down the aisle is as stress-free, fun, and pleasant for everyone as possible. I appreciate that people will have an idea or something that they would like to contribute and {name of groom} and I are fully open to hearing everyone’s suggestions, but please keep in mind that we have our own thoughts and plans for the day and want to make it unique and special to us."

Polite, to the point, and respectful.  If you start to fluff or go around the subject for the sake of saving awkwardness, you’re not doing yourself or anyone else any favors. Overall, be kind and positive. Say thank you for any input and ideas you receive, but be direct.  She’s going to love you, her son, and the whole day no matter what!

Photo Source:  "It's OK To Say No"