Not So Fast Faux Pas!

Weddings are very exciting times for people.  Not just for the Bride and Groom and their families, but their friends.   In fact, the excitement can bubble over so much that many people make a very common faux-pas…. Assuming they are invited.

Sure 9 times out of 10 if you have known the Bride and Groom (or at least one of them) for a long time and are very close and etc. etc. sure you can assume that you may be invited to the wedding, however until you get that Save-The-Date or personal verbal invitation, never assume you are going to be invited. Here’s a little story… (but first, the photo is BHLDN Baguette Halo)

A big group of us last year went to dinner one night ( a small high school reunion).  One of our friends was planning her wedding for the following June.  The Bride had been very tight lipped about her plans because it wasn’t going to be a huge affair and she was still in the planning process.  Her wedding had come up in conversation and I quickly became mortified at some of the questions and assumption people were making about being invited.                                                               

“So can I come?”
“Is this person coming?”
“Can I invite this person?”

It was horrendous.  I turned to look at the Bride as her smile turned from one of pleasantry to complete awkwardness.  How was she supposed to respond?  Somehow the infinite 5 minute topic turned to something else, but the lingering effects how uncomfortable she felt was on her face as she stared at her lap. I leaned over and told her “We’re not in high school anymore- people need to understand this isn’t a house party that just anyone, even themselves can go to.  Don’t feel bad about letting people know that”.  

This Bride was a girl I was friendly with, but not necessarily friends with.  I had never once assumed I would be invited to her wedding and wasn’t slipping her this advice in order to get one.  It was obvious though other people hadn’t realized the lack of etiquette that had pushed onto her plate.  I was happily surprised when I did receive my invitation in the mail. 

Here are a few things to keep in mind:
  • Never assume you are invited to a wedding.  You don’t know the budget or how intimate the Bride and Groom want the affair
  • There’s a fine line between asking about a wedding  and digging for information to see if you’ll be extended an invitation
  • Don’t ask to bring a date- this is at the Bride and Groom’s discretion
  • Don’t ask if certain people will be there.  You’re not going for anyone else other than the Bride and Groom. 
TIPS & TRICKS:  Calling and future Brides & Grooms!  You too have a responsibility to close friends and family if you're having a more intimate and small wedding.  It saves the trouble and awkwardness of your best friends why they aren't coming.

If the wedding is going to be smaller than anticipated, personal phone calls are best to let people know "We are so excited for the wedding, but we are going to have a more intimate setting with a very limited number of people". 

It's a polite way of thanking someone for their congratulations, but letting them know that perhaps they shouldn't expect an invitation.